32 undisputed reasons not to set up a restaurant
Go ahead a confession: we don't pretend dogmatize Or give any advice. Just subtract a little from solemnity to an activity (eat and drink) and a sector so in need of relaxation and relief.
Read to the end (seriously) and read with humor © Alamy
1. Endless days, hellish work throughout all the weekends (and saving parties) of the rest of your non-existent life and the family reconciliation policy of a Congolese dictator.
2. The fellows. "A Michelin restaurant is a business that, if all the people in the kitchen were on staff, would not be viable." Lie of course.
3. The Tripadvisor dictatorship: the main person responsible for your online reputation.
4. 'b' boxes. Go getting used to it.
5. “You will never meet new people because your social life will deteriorate until almost non-existence,” Marco Pierre White.
6. Who will criticize you and put your public image and that of your dishes will not be just a gastronomic critic beodo and gordinflón (that too) but every human being with a mobile and an Instagram account.
7. “It is easy to conclude that all chefs in a gastronomic restaurant are lost. A gang of degenerates, manic drugs, drunken thugs, thugs, psychopaths and fools. And the truth: you wouldn't be far from the truth. The trade attracts subjects on the verge of legality, people who have gone through some atrocious experience in life. They may not have done high school, they may run away from something: a woman, a sordid family history, hopeless hardships from the Third World, ” To. Bourdain. A nice guy.
8. Lower the blind one of every five new restaurants. Eye.
9. The "normal" human beings will enjoy as dwarves the final of the Champions League, Rafa Nadal against the Swiss on the central track of Roland Garrós and each race of 'Il Dottore'. You will see hand orders, divorces with bottles of Roederer Cristal and unforgettable "I am pregnant." You will be behind the bar.
10. Lázaro Rosa-Violán will not be able to design your restaurant because he will be busy redesigning the Vatican, the White House and every free square centimeter of the Great Wall of China. He is a busy man.
11. Do you want your girlfriend? Do not set up a restaurant.
12. If you're not runner, you are not cool: you will not be in. You will not be anyone in this of the high kitchen. So if what you want (that you want) are double page interviews in those beautiful magazines of lifestyle It is better that you prepare some media.
13. Go forgetting your grandmother's recipes: you will learn to cook ceviches, dim-sums, baths, dumplings, ramen and fermented as if there was no tomorrow.
14. You will earn a thousand euros a month that you will spend on visiting two triestrellados restaurants that are profitable because ... number 2. Ah, life
15. “The thing I like doing is cooking”. Hahaha. Sorry. Find yourself a good financial partner or cook in your spare time: A restaurant is a business.
16. Go getting used to you cancel reserved tables (that in the best case: the most common thing will be that they do not appear and, of course, do not notify) and go also forgetting about implement the pre-servera charge as a hotel does (which is how it should be). That does not work here.
Do you want your girlfriend? Do not set up a restaurant. © Alamy
17. You will listen to more than three (and four) foodies bellow very proud that "What I like is the product", but they will shout in the sky when they see the account of the turbot they just ate.
18. As things go, it won't take long to see a 'Big Brother Chef'. I leave it there.
19. Do you know what a business plan is? Well you should.
20. Probably the children of our children feed on powder shakes. Oh, the progress.
21. Tips are a thing of the past and of Quentin Tarantino in Reservoir Dogs.
22. No pain no gain It will be your vital maxim.
23. You will not watch series, you will not go to the movies and no, of course, you will not read anything but cookbooks, Apicius (wonderful magazine) and the reviews to your restaurant on Tripadvisor. Review point three.
24. You probably end up hiring the services of a press cabinet whose job it will be to invite the four gastrocanaperos on duty who will say in their blogs with a thousand visits a month that you are the new Ferran Adrià and you, foolishly, will imagine a queue at the door of your gastrobar and massava pasta in your checking account. What do you imagine?
26. Your competition, not so much, will not be another restaurant but Amazon, Facebook and Uber. Go saying hello to the overcrowding of home cooking.
27. According to the data that the Spanish Federation of Hospitality (Fehr), 44,582 establishments closed their businesses over the past year.
28. In addition to chef and entrepreneur, you will have to be a social media expert
29. Google could be your friend but also your greatest enemy. And he is not a cool enemy.
30. Woe to you if you get the first Michelin Star and it gives you to participate in that race. Oh.
31. They will call you a murderer (of animals), a thief (on your own) and an abuser (of stagers). And they will do it behind your back, of course.
32. The last: I have the feeling that, after journalism, cooking is the most beautiful, rewarding and honest job in the world. Wrote Guy de Maupassant that the kitchen is the alchemy of love (and I can't agree more). So, if you love gastronomy: forget this list and set up (already) a restaurant.
If you love gastronomy: forget this list and start (already) a restaurant © Alamy