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Hotel delusions: do I really need a fitness curator?

We will all think very strongly if we need these services, these people or these ideas while we are in a hotel. Or maybe, some hotels are running away, too fast, forward.

Do we need all this?


We thought that the figure of the receptionist or the ruler (fascinating name) were key, but perhaps it is because we live in a parallel galaxy. Maybe, what we need in a hotel is what Ink 48 offers, one located in Hell's Kitchen, New York. There, there is a character that gives you a zumba class in the room or accompanies you to run down the street. Forget the room service as we know it and replace the club sandwich with a fitness curator. Or not.


But ... do you have time to go through it? The St Regis Presidential Suite in Abu Dhabi has these dimensions. It includes a cinema and a spa. What is strange is that it does not include more things: a school or a train station, for example. And we don't need to go to an emirate to think if we need such large spaces, it can be something smaller and also wake up the same question. (see next point)

And a cinema? Do we need a cinema? © St. Regis Saadiyat Island Resort


There is a law not written but defended by me that says that the better a hotel is, the less nights you spend in it. It applies to me but I have an excessive ego and I like to extrapolate it to all Humanity. My record is in the 6 hours I spent in the one-bedroom suite of the Queen Elizabeth of Montreal. It was ninety-nine meters that did not give me time to know. He might step on ten or twelve in total.


Soap concierge, literally. Upon arrival at Viceroy Riviera Maya a person will arrive at our room and advise us on what soaps to use depending on the purpose of your trip or your favorite essence. "In every situation, your soap", seems to be the thesis behind this invention.

Do we need them to choose soap for us? © Viceroy Rivera Maya


We do not want to take away the merit of knowing how to prepare a bath well. That the water is at the exact temperature and neither scalps nor freezes us, that the foam does not reach the ceiling, that the light is adequate as in a psycho-thriller of Antena 3. All this is almost a science that dominates this figure offered by the Mandarin Oriental in London. This man is responsible for preparing perfect bathrooms according to a menu. While he finishes, someone waits in a bathrobe. Let's think about that. Very relevant data: MO London's butlers have passed through Buckingham Palace.

Do we need to prepare the bathroom? © The Yeatman Porto


I doubt anyone is staying at The Hotel at the Marina Bay Sands in Singapore and have to play some songs of Cole Porter on the piano. Although thinking about it, those who sleep in this Nourishist delirium do not look like knowing Cole Porter's songs.

A grand piano in the room. Just in case © St. Regis Saadiyat Island Resort


It is difficult to apply sunscreen on your back. The arm does not reach. This is solved by this figure from the Ritz-Carlton Miami Beach hotel in Miami that helps guests to tan in a responsible way, providing the right creams and applying them. It is true. It exists and maybe even quotes and pays taxes.

And let's keep wondering about other services we are more accustomed to.

- Do we need television in all rooms?

- And such large cabinets? More than our own house?
- Let's talk about the pillow menu: it is appreciated that there are several in the bed of different thicknesses and sizes, but should we have ten? The choice of a pillow cannot be a reason for stress.
- And the most important: the shower cap. A survey of about 5 or 6 people yields this result: it would be more interesting to have a moisturizer for the face. Has anyone, under 65, ever worn a plastic bathing cap?


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